Too Good

[Hannibal]

Too good to be true,
Are the words and ideas floating through your head,
Much to the same effect as your self-esteem.
Walking amongst the clouds if only for an evening,
Amidst the angels of heaven,
Far from the gates of hell.
My empty body is what takes you there,
As you fill me, And I take from you,
What you want, and give you, what you need.
That which you need is recreated in front of your blind eyes,
Blind to the cold truth, hollow body,
Full mind, standing before you.
My eyes cold and sparkling, reading yours for what you want,
And giving you what you need,
My mistakes, planned and well aware, so that you do not mistake,
Pefection, with unhuman.
Love, with my false sense of self.
I'll falter enough, and you'll never know,
Why i'm so perfect to you,
Because I am,
Whatever you put into me.
Mold me my friend,
Tear me down and mold me.

[parch]

i 'heard' this in my head while i read it and it was good. i really liked this. i loved "because i am, whatever you put into me. mold me my friend, tear me down and mold me." -that's a good ending..
well done.

another line i liked (although i couldn't piece it into the poem right - in my head) was:
"walking amongst the clouds if only for an evening."
-nice

but those are just lines...in all reality the 'poem' itself was good.

___---parch

[Hannibal]

Thanks man. I just let it come out. I have a problem with "fragements". When I type them out... I know what i'm thinking, but I don't realize how weird they sound until I read it to myself, ya know? Any thoughts on how to get myself away from that? Like, I'll jump from one small idea to another within a same line. They're about the same thing, but.... are a little diffferent. See I'm losing myself right here.
The line about walking amonst the clouds had to do with, going on a date, I treat women like they are all that exhist. a walk in teh clouds if you will...

[machinery]

really nice....it's weird to read some of the last wrote lines. about you being whatever the audience puts into you....that stuck because you told me that last night in a silly stupor..aw..good times we had last night....and this poem reflects it so well...and you got white knuckled because I hadn't read it yet, but now I made a connection to last night.......see see? it all works out! Yass!

[ranter]

what i got out of this is how if you like someone enough, you make them out to be everything your fantasy desires and they become perfect in your head, but in reality they are just another person. im not sure if this was the message that you were trying to convey but its what i got out of it. i like it, i have this problem often, you make someone up to be so much, to be so grand and perfect, but aaahh...